Maybe I'm not partaking in the right substances. I used to be pretty good at procuring a wide selection before I got old and pussied out. Maybe that's the key. Choose your outlets of asphyxiation wisely. The wrong ones will only serve to worsen your mood- and not dull the edges quite as potently as is necessary for long grey periods. I'm not even capable of black anymore. Ah, 24.
In actuality, I would like to start keeping time. Preserving the month of 17 when I ran on my dad's treadmill every night for an hour and a half and then chain smoked outside after my parents went to sleep. The afternoon I was 21 when I read Rules of Attraction straight thru because I was trying intently to figure out which character was my 40 year old bosses best friend. It was snowing. The weeks Joe and I were on Greyhound. The first cigarette I smoked with Jen. Two nights ago when I ate weed cornbread and went to Victor's at 3am.
These are some pretty disconnected periods of time to pinpoint. However, not all time is the same size. Most of it is shaped quite differently in fact. All of it should bear some sort of evidence but mostly it gets lost and untethered.
I would like to keep all this time in the same box I keep my substances and swallow them when I wanted to go back to these moments. Time is addictive and altogether holy.
This post, while vague, was written after reading about an upcoming show at Canada called Spaced Out/On Time. It opens the 11th.