the winter of my lazy discontent

I have been mildly discontented lately, or possibly just bored. most likely the latter, i'm sort of happy these days. maybe i'm just hungover. if you don't expect something big huge and exciting- well-

I don't know how I get bored- sometimes i just can't DO anything. So, I'm sitting at my desk and the breeze is passing through my window, tons of new yorkers and a tauba book and some acorns and a couple pens, a d.a.p catalogue, some cards meg sent me a while ago about aderall, a bard curatorial studies master's brochure, con ed bills i haven't paid for a while. everything's just Piling Up. sometimes i wish everything happens the way it does in cartoons- when you run, dust would kick up behind you, when you think something, a lightbulb appears over your head. small moments would become more interesting if they were accompanied by overt physical manifestations. my passport is there. i should use my passport in january. i should run away for a minute. a zine joe made this summer at the ben jones sunday school at deitch. when i move again i'll pack up the stuff up and it will arrange itself differently in a new location without my approval. i wonder when i'll stop moving for good.

music

I rarely see bands I like. Because of this, I rarely write about music. Mostly, I'm watching other people watch themselves, trying to get free drinks, and when I had a boyfriend who booked shows, I was most definitely trying to get him to pay attention to me. Other things I do at shows: smoke cigarettes, look at merch (I don't do this frequently), think about snacks or deli sandwiches I could procure within a 3 block radius, text, talk to the door person. Sometimes, I am the door person but when you're the door person you have an entirely different set of considerations. So it goes.

When I look at art for my purposes, it's quick and analytical. Unless, you're at an opening which is the equivalant of a show. But it's different then too- an opening is like a big party at a store. Which I suppose is what show-going is like at bowery-esque places in the city, but I don't even think that either. The art and music world in new york have lines drawn down the center of urban social norms regardless of size or corporate ownership.

The experience of music needs to be mutually transformative. I'm going to understand your band more if the person next to me is feeling it harder. And I can see it on their face, in their body, out of their hands. If I'm watching my favourite artist produce their work next to three other people, the outpouring of expression by the bystanders can only be intellectual, not visceral. Fucking your girl versus saying I love you just ain't the same.

Meow meow meow- to crawl back around to the beginning of this arc of context, maybe my experiences are so noxiously bi-polar because I never see bands I like.

Last night, I went to see Thee Oh Sees at Death by Audio. They didn't play until 2:30 and I was really high and having a wonderful time. My friend Maya had just pinned a patch on my jacket that had multiple, powerful meanings, and my friend Ariel had just given me a really cold beer.

Mystical and utterly transformative, Thee Oh Sees at 3am on this past fall Friday are what I imagine the best sex I ever have will sound like.

10.5.09

Today, I woke up and read David Wojnarowicz journals in bed. Took a shower drank hot water with lemon and met Olga for coffee outside. Walked back to my house and changed my clothes, met Alaina on the J train platform at Lorimer. Took it to Canal. Walked around looking for red reishi powder for about an hour. Many women kept trying to get us to get massages or handbags. We declined. Drank a tsing tao at one place, went to New Green Bo and got Ma Pao Tofu and Eggplant, another tsing tao. Full. Walked over to the Highline and sat over 10th ave for a little while. Walked back to the East Village, got on the L. Home.

"What will I think about all this scribble ten years, thirty years from now in the change of history, where will Jim or John or me in relation to all these activities? It's the starry mirror of the eyes slow revolution to the impossible or fictional future then reeling back again to the past. FZAMMM"- d.w

4.19.09

Today was largely eventful and uneventful all the same. Tried to stay distracted. Success. Wanted to write before it got to late. Success.

Woke up, went to work. Left promptly to buy mirrors at this ridiculously small place in Hell's Kitchen. Very old timey.

Came back to the gallery, walked to lunch with Christopher. Pineapple Fried Rice with Tofu. We talked about his friend who expected too much of him. Total obligations, there are no obligations. Thought it was interesting that he brought this up today. This is making my hand hurt.

Lots of crates came. Met with the artist Paola and the fabricator Sam. Placed Paola's grid, it will go accross the center of the space on the street side.

Ran into Bailey as I was getting on the train with Andrea and James. Went to the Creek, got drunk. Home now.

9.9.07

Doing my homework for the last time ever.

What if every person is a different version of the same idea?

12.27.08

Technically, 12.27.08. 2:16am. Joe and I just got home from hanging out with Max at this kid's Scott's house on 21st and 2nd. He didn't care about his apartment and it was really gross. He had two cats. One of them jumped really high. I had a cider and a glass of wine and a Sparks. I feel sort of drunk. 2 cigarettes today.

Shoog is on my lap. I love having a cat so much and he finally started using his litter box.

Joe and I snorted a bunch of aderol together. It was fun.

On the way home, we started talking about commercial culture and the mind of the consumer, the drive of captilism, the psychology of the American brain. The pathos of economics. But when I hear myself say, "they" and "them, I wonder what I mean by that. Who indoctrinates and who is passive. Who stands idle while others take control? Where do I lie on the continum? Don't we all have entities who attempt to control our taste no matter how large or small?

The cat is tossing around his litter. I want to get him a glossy covered box. He's also trying to break into his food. Tricky little kitty.

fudz n artz n muzak

Matt and Alex from the So So Glos and Julian from Fiasco, outside of Death by Audio in early July.

Abe Vigoda at Whitney Live in conjunction with the Dan Graham retrospective.

Food Party car via Thu Tran and friends at Deitch Studios.

Puppet from premiere of MGMT video, "Kids", at Deitch Studios June 20th.

Brown rice plus avocado plus satueed shitakes plus fresh ginger plus seaweed by me.

Insane Croatian lunch courtesy of Croatians.

Aftermath of corn salsa explosion.